EUGENE, OR - Bradley Wilkerson came out of a coma yesterday, only to realize that he couldn't think of anything worth saying or doing. Five years ago, never known for his vibrant personality, Wilkerson had been in a coma for ten days before anyone in his family noticed. "He'd always been a good listener but I noticed that he kept wearing the same clothes," said wife Peggy.

Doctors at Our Lady of Perpetual Motion described his coma as self-induced. "It looked voluntary to us," explained Doctor Spumken. "Sometimes we see guys who are just trying to beat the system. You know - free intravenous meals, don't have to work, sponge baths. But we can usually weed them out with tickling. This guy had a lot of self-control."