| COMPETITIVE SALARY | We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. |
| JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY | We have no time to train you. |
| CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE | We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up. |
| MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED | You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day. |
| SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED | Some time each night and some time each weekend. |
| DUTIES WILL VARY | Anyone in the office can boss you around. |
| MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL | We have no quality control. |
| CAREER-MINDED | Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way). |
| APPLY IN PERSON | If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled. |
| NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE | We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality. |
| SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE | You'll need it to replace three people who just left. |
| PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST | You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos. |
| REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS | You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect. |
| GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS | Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it. |