Indoctrination for Return of Soldiers to U.S. (3 of 4)

Shortly after World War II, a humorous "Indoctrination for Return of Army Soldiers to the U.S." was popularly known. Here's our revised version for current vets returning from the Theatre of Operations.

TO: All Units

1. In compliance with current policies for rotation of armed services overseas, it is directed that in order to ensure the high standard of character of the American soldier and to prevent any dishonor to reflect on the uniform, all individuals eligible for return to the U.S. will, under current policy, undergo an indoctrination course of demilitarization prior to approval of his/her application for return.
2. The folowing points will be emphasized in the course's subject matter, specifically for male soldiers:
   1. Whiskey, a common American drink, may be offered to a soldier on social occasions. It is considered a reflection on the uniform to snatch the bottle from the hostess and drain the bottle, cork and all. All individuals are cautioned to exercise extreme caution in these situations.
   2. In movie theatres seats are provided. Helmets are not required. It is considered bad form to whistle and hoot every time a female over eight and under eighty crosses the screen. If vision is impaired by the person in the seat in front, there are plenty other seats that can be occupied. DO NOT hit him across the back of the head and say, "Move your head, jerk, I can't see anything."
   3. Upon retiring to sleep, one will often find a pair of pajamas laid out on the bed. (Pajamas, it should be explained, are two-piece garments that one puts on after all clothing has been removed.) The soldier, confronted by these garments, should assume an air of familiarity and not act as though he were not used to them. A casual remark such as, "My, what a lovely pattern" will usually be adequate. Under NO circumstances say, "How in hell do you expect me to sleep in a getup like that?"
   Beer is sometimes served in bottles. A cap remover is usually available, and it is not considered polite to open the bottle by the use of one's teeth.