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| Q | What do you call a broken boomerang? |
| A | A stick. |
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| Q | Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? |
| A | Just in case he got a hole in one. |
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| Q | Did you hear about the ship that sailed from Taiwan with the cargo of yo-yos? |
| A | It sank 184 times. |
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| Q | Why did the little shoe have psychological problems? |
| A | Because its father was a loafer and its mother was a sneaker. |
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| Q | What happens when a teacher retires? |
| A | The teacher loses all his principals. |
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| Q | Did you hear about the nuclear scientist? |
| A | He swallowed a uranium pill and got atomic ache. |
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| Q | What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with a termite? |
| A | A dynamite. |
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| Q | What did the the volcano say to the earthquake? |
| A | It's not my fault. |
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| Q | Why should you be discrete on a farm? |
| A | Because corn have ears, potatoes have eyes and beans talk. |
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| Q | Why should we learn that raising kids will be difficult? |
| A | It starts with something called labor. |
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| Q | Why should we never argue with an idiot? |
| A | People watching may not be able to tell the difference. |
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| Q | Why shouldn't we slide down the banister? |
| A | Splinters. |
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| Q | How is the mind like lightning? |
| A | One brilliant flash and it's gone! |
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| Q | What is a transvestite? |
| A | A guy who likes to eat, drink, and be mary. |
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| Q | How is the Pope different from your Boss? |
| A | The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring. |
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| Q | Why is life like jalapenos? |
| A | What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow. |
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| Q | What do you get when you cross a turtle with a cow? |
| A | A turtle-necked jersey. |
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| Q | Why do melons have church weddings? |
| A | They cantaloupe. |
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| Q | How do you fix a pumpkin? |
| A | With a pumpkin patch. |
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| Q | What did one strawberry say to the other? |
| A | Look what a jam you got us into. |
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| Q | What do Politicians and diapers have in common? |
| A | They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. |
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| Q | What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? |
| A | Juan on Juan. |
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| Q | What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? |
| A | The position of the dirt bag. |
| | |
| Q | Why is divorce so expensive? |
| A | Because it's worth it. |
| | |
| Q | What do you call a smart blonde? |
| A | A golden retriever. |
| | |
| Q | What do attorneys use for birth control? |
| A | Their personalities. |
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| Q | What's the fastest way to a man's heart? |
| A | Through his chest with a sharp knife. |
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| Q | Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? |
| A | Because those men already have boyfriends. |
| | |
| Q | What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? |
| A | After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. |
| | |
| Q | What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? |
| A | The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. |
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| Q | What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? |
| A | "Are you sure it's mine?" |
| | |
| Q | Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia? |
| A | Everyone has the same DNA. |
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| Q | Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? |
| A | He walks around saying "Yo." |
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| Q | Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? |
| A | They named him "Sum Ting Wong". |
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| Q | What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? |
| A | A speech impediment. |
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| Q | What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? |
| A | A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe." |
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| Q | Why is there no Disneyland in China? |
| A | No, one's tall enough to go on the good rides. |
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| Q | What did the fisherman give to the Internal Revenue Service at tax time? |
| A | His net income. |
| | |
| Q | What is worse than raining cats and dogs? |
| A | Hailing buses. |
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| Q | Why does it take longer to run from second base to third base, than from first base to second base? |
| A | Because there's a short stop in between. |
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| Q | What happens when you sterilize a cow? |
| A | She's decaffeinated. |
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| Q | What colors should you paint the sun and the wind? |
| A | The sun rose and the wind blue. |
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| Q | What is the recipe for honeymoon salad? |
| A | Lettuce alone without dressing. |
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| Q | Who has the easiest job in the world? |
| A | A candle maker. He only has to work on wick ends. |
| | |
| Q | Why are carpet layers always so depressed? |
| A | They are always looking down on their work. |
| | |
| Q | What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? |
| A | The lawyer charges more. |
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| Q | Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? |
| A | Because when he tried to make a second one he made a boo-boo. |
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| Q | What is quicksilver? |
| A | What the Lone Ranger says when he is in a hurry. |
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| Q | What do you call a butcher's dance? |
| A | A meatball. |
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| Q | Why are fish merchants not generous? |
| A | Because their business makes them selfish. |
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| Q | Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper? |
| A | He sold his soul to Santa. |
| | |
| Q | Or did ya hear the one about the agnostic, dyslexic? |
| A | He sat around all day wondering if there really is a dog? |
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| Q | What do you get when you cross a deer with a ghost? |
| A | Bamboo |
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| Q | What's it like to be kissed by a vampire? |
| A | It's a pain in the neck. |
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| Q | Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher? |
| A | She had trouble with her pupils. |
| | |
| Q | What's the difference between the Government and the Mafia? |
| A | One of them is organized. |
| | |
| Q | Why did the wagon train stop in the middle of the desert? |
| A | It had Injun trouble. |
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| Q | Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? |
| A | What for? He can't see my license plate. |
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| Q | Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time? |
| A | The pick-up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do." |
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| Q | When driving through fog, what should you use? |
| A | Your car. |
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| Q | How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident? |
| A | Be too drunk to find your keys. |
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| Q | What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving. |
| A | I'd probably sober up a lot faster. |
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| Q | What do you call a butcher's dance? |
| A | A Meatball. |
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| Q | What does an agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac do at night? |
| A | They lay awake at night and wonder if there really is a dog. |
| | |
| Q | How many environmentalists does it take to change a lightbulb? |
| A | If the lightbulb is out, that's the way nature intended it! |
| | |
| Q | How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? |
| A | None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on. |
| | |
| Q | What's the best way to get a backseat driver to shut up? |
| A | Stare at the person while he's talking. |
| | |
| Q | Why are some people like Slinky's? |
| A | Because they're not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs. |
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| Q | How do you know your family is dysfunctional? |
| A | If Thanksgiving Dinner consists of Wild Turkey instead of roasted turkey! |
| | |
| Q | What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? |
| A | If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy! |
| | |
| Q | What sound does a space turkey make? |
| A | Hubble, Hubble, Hubble! |
| | |
| Q | What does a turkey who argues a lot say? |
| A | Squabble squabble squabble. |
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| Q | What does a turkey with a sore throat say? |
| A | Gargle Gargle Gargle. |
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Q | What's the difference between your boss and the subway? |
| A | Sometimes you miss the subway. |
| | |
| Q | What's the difference between a mosquito and your boss? |
| A | One's a relentless, pain-inflicting bloodsucker. The other's an insect. |
| | |
| Q | What's the difference between your boss and time? |
| A | You can kill time. |
| | |
| Q | How do you spell 'Canada'? |
| A | C, eh! N, eh! D, eh! |
| | |
| Q | Why are the heart of an oak tree and a hound's tail alike? |
| A | They're both the farthest from the bark. |
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| Q | Why did the farmer called his pig Ink? |
| A | Because he always kept running out of the pen. |
| | |
| Q | Why do cows wear bells? |
| A | Because their horns don't work. |
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| Q | Why doesn't the paper on the desk move? |
| A | Because it is stationery. |
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| Q | What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it? |
| A | It just let out a little whine. |
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