You Know You Attend A Redneck Church When:

The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

The choir is known as the "OK Chorale."

In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

Baptism is referred to as "branding."

Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.

High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.

People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

The baptismal font is a #2 galvanized washtub.

The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo) from Billy Bob's Barbecue.

The collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.