| TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW | |
| In a Laundromat: | AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT |
| In a London department store: | BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS |
| In an office: | WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN |
| In an office: | AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD |
| Outside a secondhand shop: | WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? |
| Notice in health food shop window: | CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS |
| Spotted in a safari park: | ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR |
| Seen during a conference: | FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR |
| Notice in a farmer's field: | THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES. |
| Message on a leaflet: | IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS |
| On a repair shop door: | WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK) |